Infertility Jokes . .

More Results.

                So we went to the RE to get an update on our latest test results, and to see what our timeline would be for the next cycle.  I learned quite a few things at this appointment.  First of all, I am at high risk for a late 2^nd and 3^rd trimester still birth.  Because of the Factor V Mutation my blood has a high likelihood of clotting and stopping all nutrients etc. from getting to the fetus.  I am also at high risk of death due to clotting through delivery, and post-partum.  I will have to have a “High Risk” Specialty Doctor to follow me in addition to my regular OB throughout and post pregnancy.  I will be monitored on a more frequent basis throughout.  We were also advised to only implant 1 embryo this cycle rather than 2 (like we did on our 2^nd try).  Getting pregnant with multiples will highly increase the chances of serious complications.

                Needless to say we were a little shaken by all of this information.  I know that the thought, “should we just quit while we are behind,” passed through my mind as well as DH, but neither of us dared to say it out loud.  And of course, after the thought passed through it was never thought about again; it’s not an option right now.  I don’t think that would be a serious option until something went seriously wrong.  I think that the biggest realization is that we will not ever be getting to that point of “relaxing” throughout the pregnancy.  We thought that once we can finally STAY pregnant through that first trimester, we would be in the clear.  Obviously, that is not the case.  We will continue to keep plugging.  I have an appointment with a Hematologist (Blood Specialist) to figure out more in depth what the protocol will be.  They will be able to better understand what medications will help prevent some of these issues while TTC, during pregnancy, and afterwards.  Until then . . we will have to have a lot of patience, prayer, and wine of course. 

                                                                Prayers are welcome,

                                                                                Lindsay

One of those infertile days . .

I decided it was a good idea to get the ball rolling for our 3rd round of IVF. We haven't decided when to start yet or anything, we just want to know what to expect the 3rd time around. Because of the 2 previous failed attempts they are changing up the protocol on which drugs, meds, and vitamins I should be on etc. I haven't been on here for a while, and I thought I would just check in.

We have had an amazing Summer. The "Summer of Fun" as I have been calling it. And I am happy to report it has been just that. I have travelled for fun, travelled to volunteer, shopping trips, road trips, fun at the lake house, went to concerts, worked on my golf game as well as my tan at our beach club, started a new career that I am in love with, and got to see my best friend since childhood get married. We have had a blast.

I don't have too much to update you on in regards to our fertility situation, or the lack thereof. The one thing that my doctor recommended after my last miscarriage was an RPL panel. (Repeat Pregnancy Loss Panel) An RPL Panel is basically a panel of blood tests that check into my genetic makeup even more. DH already had these tests done back when he got his results back with such astonishing low counts, etc. Well when they did these tests on me, they found that I have a genetic blood disorder which they call a Factor 5 Mutation. Long story short, this is a blood clotting issue. The other issue they found is called M.T.F.R. (initials for a long word I can't even say, never mind spell it out) - but basically this causes my enzymes to not synthesize correctly. These two issues combined leave me at high risk for death in delivery. Luckily, they found this! Now they will ensure that they can do everything they can to make sure these issues do not affect my pregnancy or my health during delivery. Anywho, I am finding out what vitamins and meds I should start taking just to get my body fully prepared for this next cycle and to hopefully assist my body in being able to carry full term.

We are excited, hopeful, anxious, and relaxed all at the same time. Excited and hopeful because 3rd time could be the charm =). Anxious, because it is all such an unknown, and relaxed because everything happens for a reason, when it's time to start this next cycle . . we'll know. After our last miscarriage we said things like, "everything happens for a reason," or "this clearly wasn't God's timing for us," and lastly, "the right thing at the wrong time is still wrong." And yes, we both believe all of those things, but mostly we were saying these "cliché" sayings to make ourselves feel better about the sad situation we were dealing with. Well, wouldn't ya know, if I had went full term with this last pregnancy, we would not have known about these blood issues, and who knows if I would have made it. So we are very thankful that our doctors found out what they did and performed the appropriate tests to hopefully avoid any disasters.

The true reason I posted today . . I needed to. I had to get some of these things on paper and off my chest. I am having such an off day, and sometimes I just need to vent. It's tough to call people and vent about this (other than my DH) - nobody really knows what to say. People who haven't been through this before don't understand always. I have some really great family members who genuinely care and love to hear about all that’s going on, good and bad. They ask such great questions, and some have even gone as far as doing their own research and sending me some information that I may like or they think may help. I appreciate all of that so much. But sometimes a computer screen is where I want to vent. So between this post, hugs from DH, and keeping in touch with "The Big Guy" today . . I know tomorrow will be a better day.

Hope and tears,

Lindsay

 

The Other Side

             Let me introduce myself as DH, the luckiest man alive!  I want to start by saying how proud and appreciative I am of Lindsay for going through this whole process.  I knew very little about IVF before we ever decided to see an RE.  I guess I just thought it was a sperm and an egg put together and implanted inside the woman.  All the shots, pills, hormones, surgeries, invasive examinations, and lifestyle limitations came as a little bit of a surprise you could say.  That’s why I am so proud of BW (beautiful wife) for going through all of this to try and bring a child into our lives.  I’m not sure I could handle it as well as her if it were me that had to do it.  

 

The process started this past summer/fall when we decided to see a doctor about infertility.  At that time we had been trying, or not trying to stop getting pregnant for about 2 years.  I didn’t really feel we had a problem at that point, and just figured in time it would happen.  Well, I was wrong.  The Doc sent me for a sperm analysis and my BW for a bunch of tests much more invasive than mine.  My numbers came back very low, and with low motility.  I didn’t understand it because I am only 30 years old and lead a relatively healthy lifestyle.  All my life I think I took it for granted I would get married and have kids whenever we were ready and as many as we wanted.  Looking back on it now I know that I would not have appreciated the miracle of a pregnancy and all that goes into it as much as I do now.  That has certainly been the blessing of this situation.

I had a couple of more tests done in the following months after trying to lead a healthier lifestyle, but to no avail.  My numbers got slightly better one time, but went back down the next.  Off to the urologist to see what the cause of my issue is.  Turns out I have varicoceles, dilation of my veins near the testis that allows blood to pool which creates heat that kills my sperm.  Surgery can fix this condition, but is not guaranteed to improve my fertility problems.  There was a good chance it would improve it, but again it might not have been enough to make a baby naturally.  

We met with the RE again to put together all the info and decided to go for it right away with IVF and put off my surgery for the time being.  The meeting left us with very positive feelings towards IVF working, and elated to know that we could possibly have a baby growing in less than a month.  I was also happy I did not have to have surgery immediately.  I have never had any surgery, and the thought of it is certainly intimidating to me.  I do not like the thought of blood or needles never mind actually getting incisions in my man area.  Nevertheless I would have and still will do it if it is going to help us have a child.

Now the fun begins.  After a couple of weeks on birth control to reset her system Lindsay begins with the IVF drugs.  She had to inject herself twice a day by needle in the stomach.  Again needles are probably my least favorite thing ever.  When I give blood I cannot watch anything.  I figure if I don’t see it, it’s not happening.  I know, I am a wimp.  This is one reason I am so proud of Lindsay, she handled everything like a champ.  Now there were more frequent visits to the RE to monitor everything.  I looked forward to these visits because they were part of our baby making journey.  Although it was a little awkward watching another woman probing my wife with a sword like instrument.  Again, if you don’t look at it directly, it’s not happening.  A point of concern arose during these ultrasounds.  Lindsay had what looked like a cyst either attached to her ovary or very close to it.  This seemed scary, but the doctor gave the ok to continue the process while monitoring the cyst.  We did monitor it, but I think it took a back seat to the fact BW had so many healthy eggs developing.

While BW definitely was handling everything like a champ she was definitely feeling some painful effects.  The injection areas were sore and the bloating was extremely painful for her.  I definitely don’t like to see her in pain, especially when I can’t do much to help her.  It’s amazing to me that she would go through all of this to have a child with me.  I am truly blessed to have her as my wife.  After two weeks of this it was time for the egg retrieval.  BW had to get knocked out so they could get her eggs.  Again, this stuff makes me uneasy, but through my faith I knew all would be ok.  After giving my sample and a little wait all was well because my BW was back in her room alive and healthy, although a little loopy haha.  The doctors came back with very good news that they retrieved 22 eggs and that although my count was still low they were able to find some sperm that should were good enough to create an embryo with BW’s egg.  We were both very excited about this.  

We had thought that during the retrieval they were going to examine and possibly take out the cyst near BW’s ovary, but that did not happen.  The doctors were monitoring it, but did not seem too concerned about it at this point.  BW then singlehandedly boosted the stock value of Gatorade and every protein bar imaginable.  She was instructed to stay extremely hydrated with electrolytes and protein to help prevent bloating.  She did as instructed, but was still feeling poorly from the bloating.  Again this was tough to watch because I couldn’t do anything to help her.  We received more good news though that we had created 14 embryos!  It was crazy to think we had 14 potential babies of ours in a Petri dish.

December 23^rd, transfer day was here!  It was a quick process, but left me with an amazing feeling that I could be a father very soon.  It was no longer a lifelong dream it was becoming reality, and was now starting to sink in.  I realized I was responsible not only for protecting BW, but also a very special group of cells inside her that could be my child in 9 months!  It was certainly exciting, and I could not have been more ready for it to happen.  On a side note we found out we only had 4 embryos out of the 14 that could be frozen.  It was disappointing after thinking we were armed with 14 potential babies, but we were just so happy and hopeful for it to work this time.  

After a few days BW took a home pregnancy test and there was a faint line!  It was early still so this was a good sign.  We were so excited, and again it seemed to be more real now than a dream.  Although it was so early, and still in such a fragile stage it was impossible not to be excited.  The test day seemed so far away and like it was never going to come.  We endured Christmas and New Year’s waiting to find out.  BW had been taking more tests and they were not getting stronger which was a bad sign.  By the time New Year’s Eve hit we basically knew it had not worked. The test confirmed that it began to implant, but then failed.  The fact that it didn’t work was so devastating and depressing.  We were so hopeful that it was going to work, and got so excited about it starting to work.  That high crashed into an ultimate low.  It basically felt like we lost a family member.  It was frustrating too because it brought the thoughts in my head of who is to say it will work next time, or ever.  I think that frustration was the worst part because we wanted it so badly.  That’s where our faith kicked in.  We know He has a plan for us, and it’s on His timing.  That definitely got us through that time, and reenergized our hopes for another round of IVF.

Not so fast!  We have another hold up to the plan.  Doc says we need to remove the cyst from BW and now is the best time before doing another round.  This meant big surgery for BW, which she had never had, nor had I.  It’s scary to think of going under, it’s scarier when it’s the person you cherish the most in your life that is going under.  Again, this is where the faith kicks in.   You pray to Him and you trust in Him that everything is going to work out, and that there is a good reason for it.  Of course the reason was to remove the cyst, make sure it was benign, and hopefully improve the baby making environment in there.  The strength and courage BW showed by going through this unknown experience of surgery was so impressive to me.  She made it through the surgery successfully, and the cyst removed was determined to be benign.  What a relief!!  I felt like a big cloud was lifted off of us.

After all of this BW is still more than ready to go through with another round.  This time it would be different because we were using frozen embryos.  BW would have to be injected daily for possibly up to 10 weeks, and this time I would have to be injecting her.  Although it was not my favorite thing I would have no problem because it was just what we had to do to achieve our dream.  I was surprised at how little it bothered me to do it, but I think BW was more surprised at how poor I was at it.  It’s kind of funny now, but wasn’t funny at the time.  The needle was longer and was not injecting the progesterone easily.  My hand would sometimes shake a little because of the force I needed to apply, and to compound that I couldn’t seem to take it out properly.  Needless to say I will not be attending nursing school, and BW has figured out how to do it herself.

Implantation day number two arrived quickly.  This time we decided we should put in two embryos in case one does not take like last time.  We also thought that having two at once would be good since that is our ideal number, and means we would not have to go through the ups and downs of the process again.  We had some practice babysitting three kids at once the four days prior to the implantation.  It was great experience for me since I really had none, other than teaching kids golf.  It was also an affirmation that two was the right number for us.  Man to man defense is easier than zone!  Don’t get me wrong though because we love those kids dearly.  

We are playing the waiting game to find out if this round is successful or not.  I’m positive we will be able to handle whatever situation Jesus throws our way.  Hope to bring exciting news to you soon!

DH

Abbreviations

So, I use abbreviations in almost all of my posts.  If you are familiar with reading infertility blogs, you probably know most of them.  If you are not familiar with infertility blogs then this will be a very useful tool for ya!

FET – Frozen Embryo Transfer  - That is a cycle which involves your embryos that were left over from a fresh IVF cycle, and frozen for future transfers.

AF – Aunt Flow – Your period

BFN – Big Fat Negative – Negative Pregnancy Test

BFP – Big Fat Positive – Positive Pregnancy Test

DH – Darling Hubby

DD – Darling Daughter

DS – Darling Son

HPT – Home Pregnancy Test

IVF – In Vitro Fertilization

POAS – Pee on a stick

PT – Pregnancy Test

RE – Reproductive Endocrinologist – A doctor that specializes in Infertility

TTC – Trying to conceive

2ww – 2 week wait

5dp5dt – 5 days post 5 day transfer.  This indicates how many days you are since the transfer.  There are usually 5 day transfers and 3 day transfers.  I have done all 5 day.

I am sure there are others that I have used that I haven’t put in here . . so I will edit this as the blog continues to ensure that I include them all over time.

                                                                                                Praying for Baby Dust,

                                                                                                                Lindsay