Monday, September 16, 2013
Due Date
So yesterday was my due date
from my first pregnancy. When I first
found out I was pregnant I immediately started planning “To Do” Lists, and
invite lists for the baby shower, and furniture for the nursery, etc. I had pictures of every Pregnancy test I did,
a secret wall on Pinterest with all of these great ideas for how to announce
the pregnancy. DH and I finalized some
names we really loved, etc. Anyways, after
each of the miscarriages I would delete all of these things so that there was
no evidence of a pregnancy after that.
(Just in case I had a sad day and stumbled upon one of my many
lists) Well, apparently I forgot to delete
one thing. My due date reminder in my
calendar. I ended up having a really
great day, but when that notification randomly popped up on my phone that
morning. . it was a little upsetting. It
is crazy to think how different my life would be today if that was the
case. Not saying that the life I have
isn’t as good because I don’t have that baby yet . . because I truly don’t
believe that is the case. I love our
life. It’s Just Different.
Thanks
for reading,
Lindsay
This Doctor Must Be Joking...
So DH and I went to a doctor yesterday that specializes in High Risk Pregnancies. We were instructed to go there by our RE. When my DH and I arrived at the doctor’s office, we were a little anxious as to what she was going to tell us. But I had all of my questions written down as to ensure I don’t forget what I wanted to as while in there with her full attention. She started off telling me that she only has the results to my blood work and doesn’t know a lot about my medical history and my family’s medical history. She first asked me about my sisters. She then started asking me questions about my mother, her sisters, her parents, and even her grandparents. Then she continued with questions about my father, his siblings, parents, etc. Some of the questions I could answer.. some I could not. The doctor seemed perturbed that I wasn’t able to answer all of the questions. Umm . . I’m sorry that I don’t know whether my Great Grandmother ever had a miscarriage. And I am very sorry I don’t know the full history on everyone’s blood work. Anyways she then asked the same questions to DH.
Before I continue I should tell you that the reason our RE wanted us to go to
this appointment was to see what dosage of Heparin, or Lovenox (another form of
Heparin) I would be prescribed once I get pregnant. This will hopefully
help prevent a third miscarriage.
After about 35 minutes of going through both of our medical histories as well
as our family’s medical history she just sat there for a few seconds and stared
at her paper that she was taking notes on. She then looked up for her
paper and said, “Well … I don’t know why you two were sent to see me. I
don’t believe you should be on either of these drugs, and I am confused as to
what your doctor is referring to.” So now, I am one, in shock; and two a
little discouraged. We were really hoping that she would tell us that she
had something she could do for us so that we won’t have to go through another
pregnancy loss. Unfortunately that did not seem to be what was going to
happen. She then started saying things like, “Well, maybe I can send a
list of tests to your doctor so that way she can have more information.”
Or, “I only have the results to 3 tests here, I sure hope there was more than
that done, but who knows.” Ummm, excuse doctor, my RE is ranked one of
the top 3 Fertility Doctors in Boston. She has her shit together.
Secondly, I can tell you that she has given me every blood test known to
man. I think there was a good 20 vials of blood when I was tested most
recently. That doesn’t include the 5 other PANELS of blood tests I have
done. So no, I don’t think she skimped out on any tests, and the reason
you only have 3 of the results in front you is because those are the tests that
came back positive. Do you seriously think that she only gave me 3 tests,
and all of them happen to be positive? Don't you had a M.D.? Don't
worry, the best part of this appointment is coming up.
So she told me that since I "have
only had two miscarriages," she doesn't believe I should be on this
protocol yet, and that when a 3rd miscarriage occurs, then she will put me on
the meds. Ummmm, excuse me. If you think I am going to have a 3rd,
why wouldn't we do everything we could to prevent that? And then my
favorite quote occurred, "I know your miscarriages were probably pretty
upsetting, but do you know what is really heartbreaking?" ((Ummm . .
no, what?)) "If you were 35 and having these
miscarriages." Right because a miscarriage at 27 doesn’t hurt? I’m confused.
Now don't get me wrong . . I am not looking for a doctor to hold my hand
or rub my back when it comes to these topics, but please have a LITTLE
compassion. My RE isn’t mushy, or a “feel
good” doctor. She’s to the point. We make a plan together and very matter of
factly she tells me what is going to happen, or what has happened and then we
figure out what the next step is. But I
have NEVER felt as if she was degrading the way I felt about something. I know there are PLENTY of woman out there
going through the same things that I am right now. I also know that there are 35 year old woman
going through this as well. But this is
MY reality. I’m NOT 35. I’m 27.
And I am allowed to think that this is heartbreaking. I don’t dwell on it in my day-to-day living, but
when they happened, they were heartbreaking.
Needless to say, I will not be signing
on with her as my high-risk doctor.
Otherwise, I am feeling very
hopeful. I am feeling very healthy right
now, and I am down about 14 pounds since my last m/c and feel that this is a
positive thing for my next cycle. I know
when the timing is right, it will happen.
And I can NOT wait for that!
Faith
can move mountains,
Lindsay
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
More Results.
So we
went to the RE to get an update on our latest test results, and to see what our
timeline would be for the next cycle. I
learned quite a few things at this appointment.
First of all, I am at high risk for a late 2nd and 3rd
trimester still birth. Because of the
Factor V Mutation my blood has a high likelihood of clotting and stopping all
nutrients etc. from getting to the fetus.
I am also at high risk of death due to clotting through delivery, and post-partum. I will have to have a “High Risk” Specialty
Doctor to follow me in addition to my regular OB throughout and post
pregnancy. I will be monitored on a more
frequent basis throughout. We were also
advised to only implant 1 embryo this cycle rather than 2 (like we did on our 2nd
try). Getting pregnant with multiples
will highly increase the chances of serious complications.
Needless
to say we were a little shaken by all of this information. I know that the thought, “should we just quit
while we are behind,” passed through my mind as well as DH, but neither of us
dared to say it out loud. And of course,
after the thought passed through it was never thought about again; it’s not an
option right now. I don’t think that
would be a serious option until something went seriously wrong. I think that the biggest realization is that
we will not ever be getting to that point of “relaxing” throughout the
pregnancy. We thought that once we can
finally STAY pregnant through that first trimester, we would be in the
clear. Obviously, that is not the case. We will continue to keep plugging. I have an appointment with a Hematologist
(Blood Specialist) to figure out more in depth what the protocol will be. They will be able to better understand what medications
will help prevent some of these issues while TTC, during pregnancy, and
afterwards. Until then . . we will have
to have a lot of patience, prayer, and wine of course.
Prayers
are welcome,
Lindsay
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