Thursday, January 31, 2013

Surgery Results

I was so excited that the surgery was over and done with, and that I am now on to the recovering, that I completely forgot to report the results.  I was also on some super pain meds the first few days, so that MAY have had something to do with it.

Anyways, they went in there with the thoughts that they knew the location of the cyst but they were unsure of what it was attached to (if anything).  Well it turns out that the cyst was not attached to my ovaries, and it was not attached to my tubes.  That is fabulous news, because they thought they would have to remove the tube if it was attached.  They said that this cyst was unlikely to have had any impact on my infertility but they were still happy they went in there and removed it.  They said that the cyst would have just continued to grow and if it got too large and attached itself to the ovary then there would have been a high risk of damage to the ovary upon removal.

They found "something" inside of the cyst that concerned them.  They sent it out to get tested, and it all came back BENIGN!  No cancer, no diseases, no nothing!  Yay! 

... So for that, we celebrate!

To all of the Trying To Conceive Mommys out there - - it may not get easier, but it DEFINITELY makes you stronger!  Cheers to Round #2!
                                                                      A Very Hopeful Mommy To Be

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Like a BOSS!

                Surgery was Monday and I handled it like a BOSS!  Okay, that may be a SLIGHT exaggeration, but I definitely could have gotten an award for having the most questions pre-op than anyone else, EVER.  I like to know what I am getting myself into, it makes me feel more confident about what is about to happen.  Needless to say, once I got my questions done I was MORE than ready!  Let’s do this!  Of course, my surgeon (who also happens to be my Reproductive Endocrinologist) was a little tardy.  This normally may have set me off, given the anticipation and anxiousness I was feeling, about to head in to surgery and all, but it didn’t.  She is really fabulous in all other aspects, so what’s a 10 minute wait for surgery?? 
                Anyways, I am now recovering “comfortably,” at home.  I don’t know what is worse . . the pain from the 3 incisions and the actual surgery or the side effects from the pain meds.  So the 3 incisions include one in my belly button, one right on my bikini line, and one on my ride side right inside the hip bone.  They are NOT attractive.  Stating the obvious.  Due to their locations it makes any movement involving your abs muscles a little more difficult.  Trust me, you use those muscles for EVERYTHING!!  I am realizing this. Either way, DH and I are trying our best to manage my pain as comfortably as possible.  And of course, with everything, DH is kicking butt being the best Caregiver I could I ever ask for. 
Although I was kind of looking forward to this week of medical leave from work, it has barely been 48 hours since I was under the knife, and I am quite bored.  Don’t get me wrong, I have been getting up and moving around like the doctors have ordered, (sneaking in a little organizing and closet clean out in there too, until DH catches me lol) but I am basically stuck in my bed, or on my couch.  Thankfully I have great friends and family who have been great throughout the last few days!  I have gotten countless messages, emails, notes, phone calls, and even a few care packages to keep me busy while I recover.  Thank you all so much!  I truly appreciate it!  (You know who you are!)
So the day of my surgery, DH and I were headed towards Boston and I saw this amazing video that had me in stitches laughing.  I think I was just in awe of this little boy.  I am going to post it here, because everyone should watch this AT LEAST twice. 
A Pep Talk (Video)

Sunday, January 27, 2013


Surgery is tomorrow.. Not until 1:30, but we have to get there for 11:30. They said they need time to complete a blood pregnancy test before the surgery, and prep me for surgery, etc. I am not allowed to eat anything after midnight tonight, and am not allowed to drink anything after 9:30 am tomorrow. And the surgery should last just under 2 hours.

I have been trying to keep my mind off of it. I have reorganized almost all of my closets in my house. I also redecorated my office, my bedroom and the master bath. So, at least I am being productive! I am patiently awaiting DH to come back from his golf/work trip tonight... I will feel a lot more relaxed once that happen.

After I heal up from surgery (approx. 2 weeks) I will go in to see my RE, and possibly be able to start that quickly with Round #2 of IVF! Unlike the fresh cycle we did last time (which takes about 2.5 MONTHS) this frozen cycle is only supposed to take about 3.5 WEEKS!! Which means that in about 2.5 months (after the 2ww) I will be taking a pregnancy test if everything runs smoothly! That is so exciting for us and that end result is my focus! If I keep my mind on the prize then I know I will be a rockstar tomorrow in the OR!

Until then, I will have faith and continue to clean and organize until surgery time. Prayers are welcome!

Baby Dust Wishes,


Wednesday, January 23, 2013

This is Only a Test

Have you ever tried to accomplish something, and no matter what you did it was NOT getting done?  That is how we are feeling.  To be honest, there hasn’t been anything else in my life that I have ever felt like, no matter what I am doing, I am not making any progress and that all of my efforts are not working towards the results I want.  I feel like I have always worked towards something, and it worked out the way I had planned, if not immediately, then shortly thereafter.  This brings me to my point, “this is only a test.”
I feel like I am a “work in progress.”  I feel as if no matter what I do, I am being told to be patient, and know that things will work out.  I know that these are truthful statements.  I know that these are principles I have been taught since I was a little girl.  I also know that sometimes I just don’t want to hear it!  I know this is something that is going to make me and DH stronger in the long run.  I know that we will come out the “other side” (baby, or no baby) having a stronger heart than we ever could have imagined.  I also know that if this miracle baby does happen . . we will be more grateful for this miracle because of this process.  But sometimes I just want to scream that I want a baby now, and that this isn't fair!  (Is that so awful?)

DH said the other day that he, “probably wouldn’t have appreciated the miracle of a baby as much, if this was not the path we were on.”  I know what he means, if we had tried for a few months or so and then BOOM a baby is on the way, maybe we possibly wouldn’t have appreciated the miracle as much as we will now.  This isn't saying that people who are blessed to have tried for only a few months and then had their baby, was any less of a miracle at all!  This just shows me that maybe, just maybe, we needed this in order for our baby to have the most prepared, appreciative, and strong parents that they could possibly have.  The other thought is that God just wanted extra time with our bundle of joy(s) before sending him/her down for us to enjoy.  And we are okay with that.

Thank you Jesus for all of our blessings.  We pray that you are enjoying our bundle, and we are ready for him/her whenever You are.

FYI, I have rec'd a few requests on how to be notified when there is a new post.  To do so, you can scroll to the bottom of the page, and click on "Subscribe by email."  You will receive an email when there is a new post.

                                                                                                   Baby Dust and Miracles,

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Ignorance is Bliss?

                So DH and I were talking about my “procedures” I have had, and the upcoming surgery and that the pain of those, physically, (and emotionally) are pretty rough. And although we haven't achieved our goal yet, we are happy for the break in procedures, medications, etc. Then I pointed out that this type of pain is probably less painful than actually delivering a baby. Obviously! Of course, we pray every day that I will be able to go through the pain of child birth someday. Hopefully, more than once.. I think that the concept of having a baby to most people is that you “create” this baby with a beautiful act, and then you take care of this baby while it is inside of your womb for 9months, and then you have a painful childbirth. After this painful childbirth, almost all women will say, that it was 100% worth it, because it created their beautiful baby.
Well, women who are going through these procedures and recovery time, while going through IVF, are not able to say that it was 100% worth it at the end of it.  They don’t go through this pain and then have a beautiful miracle while they are recovering.  They haven't even "conceived" yet.  They are told to stay in their beds for a few days, or weeks, while they recover and they still have not reached their end goal, conceiving or becoming pregnant.  They are not coming out the other side with a beautiful baby (yet), but they have high hopes that this will happen. 
 I am not coming at this saying that the pain infertile women go through isn’t worth the reward they are aiming for, I am just saying that the pain they are enduring is a different type of pain than that of a woman going through childbirth.  It isn’t just a physical pain, but an emotional roller coaster as well.  The pain that was endured during this birth is something that nobody will know the feeling of until they go through it.  And hopefully, every woman out there that wishes to have a baby will have the ability to go through that pain someday.
I start this post of by giving you this background information because of a comment someone said to me a few weeks ago.  She asked me what kind of procedures I had gone through and asked me about the upcoming surgery and about the recovery time, etc.  After I responded with what has happened, and what I was told to expect with the upcoming surgery, her response back to me was quite rude and elementary.  She said, “well you know that the pain you have from these surgeries isn’t as bad as us mom’s who have given birth to a child.”  Needless to say, I was shocked at the response.  Yes mam, I am sure that your child birth experience was more painful than some of the procedures and the surgeries that I am going through, but the fact that you can’t look outside of yourself and realize the difference between the two, is quite scary.  It is ignorant comments like this that turn my stomach inside out.  I would give ANYTHING to go through the pain of child birth, and I know there are plenty of ladies out there that feel the exact same way.  I realize that I cannot be shocked at what people say to me, especially people who have not been in a situation like this.  But this is a common knowledge, that you are rude, and quite self absorbed if that is your reaction to someone going through this.  Maybe you might just want to consider that the pain of realizing you may never go through childbirth pains is a longer lasting, deeper pain than your 24 hours of childbirth.  Anywho, I was just taken aback.
To all those hopeful “moms-to-be,” just realize that these people are not going out of their way to hurt you.  There will always be rude, ignorant people, and it isn’t infertility issues they don’t know how to respond to, it’s anything that they are responding to.  These types of people are the type you want to stay clear of while going through this.  You want to surround yourself with positive, uplifting, and encouraging people.  Talk to you DH or close friend, or family member(s).  But if anyone in any of those 3 categories makes you feel that what you are going through is “not as bad as child birth,” you must realize that these are not the people to turn to during these times.  If you are a lady of faith, relying on that will help out big time as well!
On a brighter note, I am happy to say that I am feeling 100% back to normal.  My body feels like it is my own again, my emotions are back to where they usually are, and I have the energy levels that I am used to.  I know that this is fleeting, due to the fact that I will be in surgery next week and then on some more hormones to follow, but right now, I am happy to feel like myself again.  DH has just been the best, and we find out Monday the exact date/time of my surgery.  Let’s hope that it is not before next Tuesday so DH doesn’t have to change his ticket back from FL . . AGAIN.
Thank you all for reading the blog! I can’t believe the amount of viewings we have had over the past week or so.  I have people viewing in America AND Canada! Please feel free to share the site with anyone you know going through this, or if you yourself is going through this, your words of wisdom are always welcome!  Feel free to email me   (I know, I was pumped that the email was available!)
Happy Football Sunday!
Baby Dust to all,

Friday, January 18, 2013

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Trying to Concieve (TTC) . . Still

                So after we got the blood work back, I was told that I had to come in again, in about 36 hours, to have another pregnancy blood test.  I was told that the reason they do this is so that they can get a negative beta test, and then they would be allowed to go through with our consult for round #2 of IVF.  In my head I was thinking, “So wait, I get to drive all the way to the doctor’s office (which is about 45 minutes away) just so I can get a lower beta level, and I get to receive ANOTHER phone call telling me that this round didn’t work, and we can now go on with round 2.”  Ughhhh, okay – time to suck it up and go through the motions.  I went in and had my blood drawn for about the 100th time in the past 18 months.  That afternoon I got the phone call from my doctor, saying that my beta level was now at around a 1.  Therefore, it is officially a negative test and I can come in for my consult with DH and make a plan of action for Round #2 of IVF.

This is what my arm(s) have looked like over the past few months!  Sexy, I know . .
                I am a very pro-active person when it comes to all kinds of situations in my life, but ESPECIALLY with this situation.  So when I got the phone call, I booked our consult for the beginning of the next week.  My RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) reported that there were 3 eggs, they were unsure of quality and the ability to freeze them back when I had my implantation surgery, that turned out to be great quality eggs!  So we had 3 frozen eggs to work with.  (Not all at once though)  I went into the consult with my own set of questions, DH with his.  You see, now we are doing a frozen cycle as opposed to a fresh cycle.  We don't really know exactly what to expect or how the timeline works, etc.  What I do know, is that with a frozen cycle I do not have to undergo the retrieval surgery again, which was great news!  (So painful!)  But I would have an extra shot that I would have to administer to myself (of DH if I am unable to).  You see, the other shots had skinny, shorter needles; this extra shot is a 4.5" needle that is a little wider.  Eek.  Anywho, after all of our concerns and questions were answered, and the doctor gave us a timeline, we were very excited.  

                She said I could basically go home and start myself on estrogen, and we could implant in about 3 ½ weeks! (That’s a long story, short)  We signed consent forms for 2 embryos being transferred this time!  We were very excited!  If the consult had ended there, that would have been wonderful!  Unfortunately, it did not end there.  The RE suggested doing a quick ultrasound to ensure that the cyst I had, a while back, was now gone.  So while looking on the screen, she said that the cyst was still there, and it was still very large.  She said with the view they are able to get from the ultrasound, they are unable to tell if there is something attached to one of my tubes, or if the cyst is just attached to my ovaries.  She explained that having something like this on/or around my tubes can prevent the implantation from occurring.  Basically, she said I must have it removed before we continue with IVF, and that we should put a halt to round #2 until they it is all figured out.  Ughhhh.  They also wanted to check it for other conditions that cysts can be sign of, and also, rule out cancer.
                So basically they are calling me at some point this week to let me know when surgery will be.  I will most likely be heading up to Boston at the end of January/beginning of February.  After the surgery I will be on medical leave/bed rest for 7-10 days.  It is a 1 ½ - 2 hour surgery.  While they are in there they will remove the cyst, and most likely remove one of my fallopian tubes as well.  I will be completely “under” (incubated).  This includes being asleep and having a breathing tube down my throat.  Gross.  Anyways, we are now enjoying the waiting game, and making the best of it.  We are having countless date nights to pass the time, sleeping in (just because we can), drinking our wine (while I can), etc.  Okay, I am drinking all the wine . . but I am sharing some with DH. 
                Now we are all caught up!  In 5 entries, you are now all caught up to what has been going on for the past 20 months or so.  In the almost 2 years we have been trying, friends have (within this time) met, dated, married, and are now having a baby, or their second, with their DH.  Although I am so happy for my friends and family, it is sometimes a little discouraging.  I thoroughly enjoy talking baby names, and picking out paint colors for their nurseries, and clothes shopping for their bundle of job . . I just can’t wait until it is our bundle of joy we are shopping for.  Our time will come.  Or it won’t . . who knows.  But we know there’s a specific plan for us.  I am excited to look back on all of this and say, “It was all worth it!”  I keep telling myself that maybe God is creating the most wonderful gift for me and DH, and it is just taking longer to create him/her than all the others! 
                Prayers for a successful surgery…
Baby Dust to all..
Except my little sister, she said she isn’t ready for the baby dust, and that I can keep hers. Lol