Friday, June 13, 2014

Our Story

Love Is Like A River
Flows Hard And Deep And Strong
Makes Us See So Clearly
Why All The Others Were So Wrong

You Keep Moving Forward
With No Chance To Turn Around
The Flow Will Overcome You
Your Contentment Has Been Found

And When Its Moving Slowly
A Chance To Catch Your Breath
You've Found the One Your Heart Desires
To Be With Until Death

You "Try" For Fun And Wait
Every Month You Pee Then Pray
Maybe This Time A Positive
Could Today Be The Day?

You Realize After Months
Something May Be Wrong
But, "You're Too Young To Worry"
I'm Sure It Won't Be Long

You Wait A Little Longer
Still No Hope In Sight
You Start To Think, "What's Wrong With Me?"
Something Can't Be Right

They Question You And Test You
Til You Have No More To Give
You Wonder If It's All Your Fault
And If Your Spouse Will Forgive

You Go Through All The Motions
Until The Answer's Clear
Your Fear Of Needing IVF
Are The Exact Words That You Hear

Surgeries And Needles
Are Your Normal Day To Day
And Everyone's Always Asking You
"When's Your Baby On The Way?"

You Answer With A Smile
You Say Our Time Will Come
A Subject You Used To Love
You Now Avoid And Stay Far From

The First Cycle Worked
Two Lines On That Glorious Stick
After Two Long Years
A Baby Name We Will Finally Pick

Our Dreams Are Tragically Ended
An Unwelcomed Guest "Aunt Flow"
 The Heart Ache That We Feel
Is One We Wished We'd Never Know

The Pain I Feel In My Heart
Hurts To My Inner Core
I'd Give Anything For A Baby Now
Let's Go For It Once More

Another Positive Test!
This Seems Too Good To Be True
Again Aunt Flow Comes 8 Weeks In
A Pain I'd Share With Few

Again Our Baby's Taken
Why Us?  Why Again?  Not Fair!
People Tell Us To Have Patience
But All We're Left With Is Despair

A Break From This Is What We Need
Lets Travel And Have A Drink
And Yes A Blast Is What We Had
But Couldn't Help Think, "Blue or Pink"

People Told Us Just Relax
It Will Happen In Due Time
Oh, Our Medical Issues Will Disappear?
Their Advice Wasn't Worth My Time

Though Their Ignorance Was Tough To Bare
Most Meant Well With What They Said
For Soon Another Cycles Here
So For Now I Will Rest My Head

Cycle Three, Here It Is
Let Start The Meds And Shots
Let Pray For A Baby This Time
Before My Uterus Rots

This Cycle Failed
I Knew It From The Start
God Can You Hear Me??
All I Hear Is My Breaking Heart

The Tears Won't Stop Streaming
It's Like God Doesn't Hear My Prayer
Can Anybody Hear Us?!
Life With No Baby Is Our Fear

I'm Coming To My Breaking Point
How Much More Can My Body Take
Will This Ever Work For Me?
Or Is A Baby Something I Can't Make

I'll Give It One More Try For Now
But With My Expectations Low
If This One Doesn't Work
There'll Be More Wines I'll Get To Know

We Wait And Wait Then Finally
Two Lines Are On That Stick
Praying New Meds And Acupuncture
Are What Do The Trick

Palms Are Sweaty, The Ride's So Long
Will A Heartbeat Be There?
Or Will The Sound Of Silence
Be The Only Thing We Hear?

The Sound Came Out Clear As Day
It Was The Most Beautiful Sound I've Heard
Eyes Tearing Up, Hands Held So Tight
We Celebrated Without A Word

Here We Are Twenty Weeks Along
I Can't Believe We've Made It This Far
It's Been All Good News This Time Around
No Mourning At The Bar

Boy Or Girl We Do Not Know
Nor Do We Have A Care
As Long As Baby's Healthy And Happy
This Amazing Life With Them We'll Share

Can't Wait For The Day When I See Their Face
Staring Back Up At Mine
How Far We've Come From When All We Wanted
Was A Second Little Pink Line



So clearly if you are here reading this, you most likely know our story with infertility.  Or at least the general idea of what we have had to do to get to where we are today with this pregnancy.  Which by the way is over 21 weeks along!  I can't believe it! 

Anyway, I have to warn you that this is a bit of a rant.  It literally makes my skin crawl when a talk/text/message/email conversation goes something like this:

Other Party:  How are you feeling?

Me:  Great, just tired.

Other Party:  Get your sleep now.  You won't be getting any once the baby is here.


Me:  Things have been going well.  I have been sleeping a lot but hubby is taking amazing care of me.

Other Party:  Enjoy the attention now.  Once that baby comes it will be all about him/her.


Other Party:  How was your day?

Me:  Great!  I got a prenatal massage which has helped so much with my back pain/tension migraines!

Other Party:  Get your massages now because once that baby comes you won't have the time or the means to pamper yourself like that.  Your priorities will be different.

FIRST OFF!!  Thank you!  I never once thought to myself that I may lose some sleep once the baby comes.  Thank you for pointing that out to me.  I am going to lose sleep?  Is it too late to change my mind?  Glad you warned me!

Also, thank you for pointing out that my needs and my husbands needs will completely vanish once the baby arrives.  I am so glad you are telling me that we will have to put our attention on him or her.  I thought he/she could just care of themselves, no?  They are helpless tiny humans that need us for everything?  Thank you so much for telling me!  What would I do without you!?  

LASTLY, (almost) - I am so happy to know I will have no time on my hands and will be broke once my baby arrives.  Thank you.  

Maybe, just MAYBE I have thought this through ahead of time.  Maybe we BOTH agree that giving each other some alone time each day should be a PRIORITY in our lives.  MAYBE you didn't have a spouse that would literally give up their life to make you more comfortable, but I know for a fact that I would do that for my husband as he would for me. MAYBE my needs and my husbands needs will still be a priority in our lives.  BY NO MEANS a top priority, but a priority nonetheless.  You do realize that if we allowed each other to whither away miserably - all that would be is a detriment to our child's life.  Maybe our life won't end up as miserable as yours apparently was - or as miserable as you perceived it to be.

LASTLY (for real this time) - THANK YOU!  Thank you for taking one of the most exciting, positive times in our lives and pointing out all of the "negative" side effects.  Thank you for showing me that these past 4 years of torture to conceive were basically just to sign up for another 18 years of torture.  18 sleepless, uncomfortable, broke, miserable years.  I can't wait.  That's exactly what we were thinking when we wanted to start a family.  Thank you for warning me that my marriage will go down the tubes, and we will most likely become miserable parenting robots.

I realize that this will not be all rainbows and butterflies.  If ANYONE realizes this, it's us.  We know that we are going to have to roll with the punches and take life as it is thrown at us.  TRUST ME, WE KNOW!  We also know that we are going to screw up at times.  Probably a lot.  But we have each other to help put the pieces back together.  But again, Thank you. 

Did you ever stop to think that maybe I just CAN NOT WAIT to have a reason to lose sleep?  A little tiny, crying miracle reason to wake me up every 2 hours!  Did you ever stop to think that maybe I tortured my body for the past 4 years so that I can no longer be top priority in my own life on purpose?  I would have literally given up everything to have the opportunity to not have enough time for me to go get a massage.  I would have literally given my health up to ensure a little human will be in our lives to take away our sleep, our money and our time.  But that's not how I look at it.  AT ALL.  I look at it as an amazing opportunity that I have been beyond blessed to encounter.  That a baby, a tiny human, is growing inside of me and ALREADY depends on my health, my nutrition, and my care to survive.  Leaving a mark on this world by bringing up a healthy, happy child is something I could have only dreamed about and will soon be a reality. 

So please, the next time your speak to a pregnant woman - how about your join in on the positive side of things, about the miracle that is about to occur?  Let her enjoy what's happening in the present moment, rather than tell her all you know about what is going to happen next.  How about you let her excitement be your excitement, rather than bring her down with your crappy words of "wisdom."  

19 weeks from no sleep,

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Gender Reveal . .

So this post looked completely different while I was working on it a few nights ago.  It was going through all of my exciting ideas, picture of decor, color themed foods, drinks and snacks, as well as Gender Reveal Party Favors... But now, I am able to happily say that we will not be finding out the sex of Baby A until his/her arrival!

I am elated!  I know DH wanted to find out pretty badly, so in true compromise fashion we agreed that if we found out, we would wait until July (Even though that was 7 weeks after we could have found out) - We were going to release balloons, and have a Team Pink/Team Blue themed gender reveal cookout with about 30-40 of our friends and family.  I am sad that the balloon release will not be happening, because I feel that the entire feel of the part was going to be amazing, but on the other hand I am so excited!  

I can not wait to be driving to the hospital without a clue as to who we will be meeting in just a few (hopefully) short hours!  The feeling DH will have when he gets to go into the waiting room and announce, "It's a _____!!!" to all of our friends and family who have come to welcome the new baby into our family.  And of course hand out cigars with the appropriate label on it.

Well I am so happy that DH decided he wanted to wait as well!!

By the way - tomorrow is our "20 weeks anatomy scan!"  Although I won't be quite 20 weeks, I can't believe I am almost halfway there!  This is going by so fast!  So rather than having the doctor or u/s tech check off the girl or boy box and seal it in the envelope - we will immediately be telling them that we do not want to know!

Momma to be,

Monday, May 5, 2014

Viable Pregnancy?

DH and I had never gotten to the point that we were able to hear a heartbeat from our little bean in the past.  When the time came for DH and I to go to our fertility clinic to check for a heartbeat which would make this a "viable pregnancy" - we were nervous to say the least.  We prayed that this would be our miracle, and that if it wasn't that we would be given the strength the handle the situation.  Although, if I am being completely honest, I did not think I would be able to handle it at all.  I thought to myself, "This is when I will go off the deep end." - Luckily, everything looked GREAT!  No Deep End for this girl!

Before we go to check for a heart beat we had 4 blood draws, which all indicated a positive pregnancy.  40 pregnancy tests by that point to ensure I was still pregnant and that the line continued to get darker as each day passed.  But of course, that had happened before with other IVF cycles, but around the time of hearing the heartbeat . . a miscarriage had occurred.  So we knew that we hadn't suffered a "loss" yet, but we were hoping and praying that there was at least 1 healthy little heart beating away.  

We transferred 2 embryos, and DH was hoping that both embryos took and that I was pregnant with twins.  And by hoping, we was outwardly wishing this and praying for it daily.  Ha!  If there were 2 heartbeats in there, I would have been ECSTATIC.  But again, if I am being honest - I was silently hoping and praying for just 1 healthy little bean.  There were pros and cons of each side, and we would love to have 2 children, but 2 at once seemed a little overwhelming - and with some of my blood conditions - multiples would cause a risk for issues along the way.  Anyway, when we got to the doctors and I was laying there waiting for my doctor to come in and do the ultrasound, I was thinking of how much our lives could change in the next 5 minutes.  We could actually be pregnant with the baby(ies) we have been working our asses off to get for the past 3-4 years, or I would end up probably, slightly, definitely binge drinking for a little while. (months if I were to predict - Ha!) - I also wondered how I would react to either scenario with the doctor in the room - Will I cry either way?  Will I get angry?  Either way I was sick of waiting and was not being very patient and all I wanted was the doctor in the room now so that we could find out if everything is good, or if the worst has happened.  Having hubby there by my side definitely calmed me down, and he was so reassuring that everything was going to be perfectly fine and that both little beans are so comfortable and healthy.  God bless him for being so great while I wasn't - but I could tell that he didn't really believe himself either - or at least there was a little doubt.

The doctor came in.  Got right to it... and BOOM - Our lives were changed forever.  A heartbeat.  A single, healthy, beautiful, most amazing sound I have ever heard is beating.  It was music to our ears.  Of course DH was still wondering if there was another heartbeat somewhere in there, but there wasn't ha. 

It's crazy that one sound can make all of the struggles beforehand seem like they never happened.  I would go through it all again knowing what I know now.  It all seemed surreal.  I knew we weren't out of the woods yet.  That with a history of multiple miscarriages we were at risk for another.  But for that moment, that day - it seemed like none of that mattered and I was PREGNANT.  Finally.

Happy and Pregnant,

Update 15wks. 4d.

So as most of you know, we are in fact PREGNANT!  Sorry I haven't been on here in ages!  We just announced it to the world a few days ago.  I know most women announce around 12 weeks, but due to our history - I was more hesitant in doing so.  We waited until we were 15 weeks.  The overwhelming support and love we have received in the past week has been amazing.  I wasn't "public" with our fertility struggle on social media throughout our struggle with infertility.  My close friends and family knew what we were going through, and some asked for updates frequently and we were happy to keep them in the loop.  And obviously I came here to keep everything documented and to vent, etc.  But I decided that when announcing I was going to be honest.  

I remember being heart broken over the past 3.5 years whenever I would see ANOTHER baby announcement.  Some days it didn't bother me, but most days it did.  Most of the time I was very happy for them, but I would honestly get very sad at the same time.  There were times that I would just delete the app on my phone for a few weeks to protect myself from getting upset.  It was obviously nobody's fault, but because I knew that was how it made me feel, and that there were PLENTY of other women who I have come to know over the past 3 years that felt the same way, I was very aware and sensitive towards that.  I decided that I had to be honest, and embrace the struggle that DH and I have overcome.  Tell people what we have been through, and that anything is possible.  I was nervous to do so, but the response was amazing.  There were about 8-10 ladies that have reached out to me after seeing my announcement.  Some have been TTC for a few years, and haven't had any luck, and didn't really know where to turn to get help.  Some ladies just figured they were "too late" and didn't want to reach out to a doctor, and some just felt that their OB didn't think anything was wrong, so they were just going to keep doing the same thing and keep trying (after 3 years).. Some who have been suffering silently after another miscarriage, etc.  I was happy that these ladies were reaching out.  Nobody should go through this alone.  I was able to give them advice, and fill them in on some of the things that helped me along the way.  I felt as if it was my turn to pay it forward like all of the ladies did for me when I started (and throughout) my journey.  I have made some amazing friends throughout this journey, and will continue to support them and encourage them along the way.  And I am eternally grateful for the ladies that helped me so much, and answered all of my crazy questions when I felt my Fertility doctor, OB, or Dr. Google didn't give me the "real" scoop on things.  And the times that I would over analyze every (hundreds) of pregnancy tests to see if there really was in fact a second line.  (Sometimes at 3 in the morning ha) - Thank you, ladies! 

Our announcement read:

"After almost 4 years of trying to conceive, 4 IVF cycles, 3 surgeries, 2 miscarriages and some bumps later.. Brent and I are so excited to announce that we will finally be a family of 3 in October!  Our little miracle is due on our 5 year wedding anniversary and we could not feel any more blessed!  Our love goes out to those who are still on their journey to their miracle baby"

These were the pictures that were attached to the announcement <3

Thank you again so much for you love and support along the way, and the love and support we have received now that we are finally pregnant with our little miracle.

Lindsay and Brent

Wednesday, February 12, 2014


So right now we are just waiting. Waiting to find out if the nursery we have planned out will come to fruition, waiting to see if the shower I have to put together for the last three years will finally be an event, waiting to find out if those names that we've gone over so many times will be able to be assigned to a baby.. OUR baby.

We are very hopeful. We find out in the next week or two as to whether or not this is working. I have loved being able to keep everyone in the loop through this blog and more so, I have loved having everyone's support. We do ask however that until we announce whether it has worked or not, that it is not asked of us directly.  I hope you understand we are not saying this because you want to keep you out of the loop. However, one way or the other would like to announce it in our time. If it doesn't work, I want to be able to have time with my DH to get through our emotions and then I will announce. On the other hand, if this does work.. We need time to tell our families/friends and we would like to be able to tell it in our own way. Knowing that this may be the only time we're able to announce a pregnancy, it is very important to us that it is done with this timeline.   I hope you all understand. As soon as any information either way comes to us we will try our best to get the information out quickly.  

I am a little worried because I have zero symptoms. Other than being tired and sore bbs which are side effects caused by my progesterone injections.. nothing else!  The good news I can share… AF hasn't reared her ugly head yet, so that's always a good sign!

Here's hoping that Aunt Flo stays away!  


Friday, February 7, 2014


So right now I am 2dp5dt (2 days post 5 day transfer).  It is crazy that all of these little acronyms are now something I use in every day conversations.  If someone posted that on my wall 2 years ago, I would come to the conclusion that their autocorrect is not working, or their intake of vodka was at an all time high.  

Right now, I have 2 (potential) babies inside my uterus.  This is something I could only say 4 times in my life.  This is such an amazing feeling, and such a hopeful time. Although I promise myself every cycle that I will be sure not to get my hopes up too high, this feeling in inevitable.  Its a miracle that doctors can have the technology to even make this happen, and its a miracle that our bodies were created in such a way to know what to do with these embryos.  (Clearly my body is a slow learner when it comes to this)

Right now I am what people consider P.U.P.O.  (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise) I like to call it (pronunciation) Pup Poe  - rather than just simply using the letters.  Anyways, that's where I am right now and it's such a weird place to be.  Being partway pregnant is a very weird feeling.  It's exciting knowing that I may end up peeing on a stick and having that adrenaline rush of seeing those 2 bold pink lines.  But with a history of miscarriages, the mind can easily spin wildly out of control.  From excitement and pure joy, to worry.  Usually the mind will end up in a place in between those emotions: in emotional and psychological limbo - a state of being Cautiously Optimistic.  

Yesterday I POAS.  There were 2 lines.  For most women this means a positive pregnancy test . . For me?  It simply means that the hormone hCG is still in my system from my trigger shot I took that day prior to retrieval surgery.  I was advised not to POAS until 2 weeks had passed from taking the trigger shot because the hormone (hCG) that PTs test for is the main ingredient in the shot.  Well, rather than outing myself as a "POAS addict" and telling them that I planned on testing everyday until I test the hCG was out of my system, I simply responded with, "okay."  They tell you to hold off on the testing because the trigger causes a positive result, but in this case its a false positive.  So my plan was to POAS until the test went completely negative.  At that point I will know that if I test prior to my Beta Test Day at the Dr.'s office, I will know whether or not it is a true positive or a "trigger" positive.

Well it's on been 2 days, and I can honestly say I am a lot more relaxed this time than the others.  Sadly, I think that may be because my expectations are a little low at this point. 

I found a picture with this Inspirational Quote on it, and I thought I would share:


Alright, off to Acupuncture . .

Wednesday, February 5, 2014


Today is transfer day!  We are transferring 2 little embryos and praying at least one sticks!  Our appointment is for 10:30, and because of the snow storm we are getting over here in MA.. We gave ourselves 2 hours to get here.  (It usually only takes about an hour) .. Well it took the entire 2 hours.  Ughhh.  

While we are sitting here waiting in the waiting room I found these:
Because all fertility clinics need children's books???  I have literally NEVER seen a child here.  

Anyways, I am very hopeful for this cycle!  Thinking 4th times a charm?  Thank you everyone for the notes, emails, care packages, cards, prayers etc.  They mean more than you know!

I will be spending the next 3 weeks or so as distracted as possible. I need to keep as busy as I can so I don't decide to POAS every hour to see if its "working." Lol

Alright, game time.  


Sunday, February 2, 2014

How Many Eggs Turned Into Embryos?

So there were 13 eggs retrieved. Eight of them were mature. Seven out of those eight eggs became fertilized. Six out of those seven eggs have become embryos. Five out of those six embryos are very high-quality with one that is a little behind. Hopefully that little bugger will catch up. We find out Tuesday how many of those embryos made it to the blastocyst phase.  We are really hoping all five of high quality make it! That way we can at least do a frozen cycle if this fresh cycle does not work. That is not a situation we are hoping for, but it will be a silver lining. Wednesday will be my transfer.  We will hopefully be transferring two beautiful embryos!

Feeling hopeful,


Surgery- Fresh IVF #2

First off, I would like to thank everybody who reached out to me the morning of and the afternoon after the surgery. Whether it was with a kind message a phone call, a note or an email. It truly was appreciated. I'm so thankful that you are all in my life.

The surgery went well. I am still in some pain and I'm very uncomfortable, but it is to be expected.  I was in surgery for about 30 minutes. Apparently, although I do not remember this, while I was coming out of anesthesia I decided it was a good idea to ask all of the doctors and nurses if I pooped on them. I then proceeded to tell them how regular I was.  Lol.

Well we found out yesterday that they had retrieved 13 eggs. And of those 13 eggs, eight of them were mature and seven of them had fertilized. Today I find out how many of those seven are still maturing and whether not we will be doing a three-day transfer or five day transfer. Which means that I could get the call this afternoon telling me that the transfer's tomorrow.

I was supposed to be on bed rest for the two days following my surgery. So for the first day I stayed on the couch watching Netflix while DH catered to me.  The day following the surgery however, I ended up having to do some work and had some appointments. I ended up being on my feet from 10 AM until 4 PM. That was not a good decision. But I love my job so it didn't really bother me until I finally got home and realized how uncomfortable I was.  So today I only have one appointment and then I will rest for the remainder of the day. Hopefully this will cause the discomfort level to subside.

Praying for good new on our little embies,

Friday, January 31, 2014

Retrieval Time

It's surgery day!  We are driving there as we speak.  I am a little anxious, but know that everything will be okay.  I'm more upset that I couldn't eat or drink anything this morning!  I am parched!  I am currently day dreaming about a Panera salad.

Well we are hoping they get a lot of mature follicles (eggs) and that they are able to fertilize many of them.  The plan is to take the best 2 embryos and transfer those!  That won't happen for up to a week. We will be given an update after I wake up from surgery and then throughout the next few days.

Alright, here it goes. Looking forward to eating and resting this afternoon.


Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Valentine's Day

So my AMAZING husband got me tickets to go to "A NIGHT OF HOPE" at Gilette Stadium on February 15th.  It is a fundraiser Gala raising money for women who are going through Fertility Treatments/Adoptions, etc who can not afford their procedures/medications etc.  Basically it is like a prom with a key note speaker and a great cause!  Formal gowns, dinner, drinks, dancing and did I mention BILL RANCIC is the speaker for the night!?!?  Thank you babe for this amazing night!

                                                    A Big Bill Rancic Fan!

Monday, January 27, 2014


                Alright, well it has clearly been a while since I have been on here.  And to be honest, I was waiting for me to come back here with some great news!  We are VERY hopeful this year! 

                So from our last Fresh IVF cycle, we still have one frozen embryo remaining.  So my options were to do another FET (frozen embryo transfer) with only one embryo, or start fresh to produce some more embryos.  At first we thought we would go the FET route.  Reason being, it is a lot less stress on my body, and it takes a lot less time than a fresh cycle.  My RE said that she suggests going forward with another Fresh IVF cycle instead because there was a risk that once we prep my body for an FET and then we go in for “transfer day” – there is a chance that the embryo will not defrost correctly and then I would have poked myself with needles for weeks for no reason.  Needless to say, we decided we would go for another fresh cycle.

                The cycle takes about 2 months, and the process is basically getting me to have a period . . Then there are suppressants that I inject myself with to ensure that I do not ovulate on my own.  From there, the medications (more injections) we use to produce eggs and then once they are matured and ready to be released . . That is when I have the “Retrieval” Surgery.

                Well long story short, MY BODY HATES ME!  My body decided (The first time we decided to start this cycle – approximately 3 months ago) that it was going to produce a nice LARGE cyst, at the worst possible time and therefore after 1.5 months of injections later, we would have to abruptly stop the cycle.  We decided to keep going and go right back into it as soon as I could.  Well that time we had the surgery all scheduled.  FINALLY!  I was so excited to have that anticipation.  Knowing that there would finally be a fertilized little egg in my body that could potentially one day be our baby was thrilling!  Well guess what, WRONG AGAIN.  My numbers decided to plummet and I was diagnosed with “Lean PCOS” – another wonderful ailment my body has picked up.  PCOS stands for Polycycstic Ovarian Syndrome.  If you look up all of the symptoms – you will find:  obesity, bad acne, unwanted male facial hair – All of which are AWFUL, and PCOS causes your body to not cooperate well with medications during IVF as well as getting pregnant naturally.  Lucky for me I have LEAN PCOS – basically my insides have all of the symptoms of stubbornness and are uncooperative, but I am lucky enough that my exterior does not have the same symptoms.  So, no obesity, acne, or beards anytime soon!  Phewf!

 Although none of our cycles have worked previously, I have remained hopeful . . But the time that I am the most hopeful is right after the “Transfer” (Which is usually 5-6 days after the Retrieval Surgery).  The time after the Transfer is known as the “2ww” (2 Week Wait), which is usually dreaded amongst most people in my situation.  But during that 2 week wait, it’s amazing how much I can feel that small embryo trying to bury itself comfortably to where it will hopefully be for the next 9 months.  I know that the furthest I have ever gotten in PREGNANT and that I have still yet to produce a child.  But during those 2 weeks, your body is doing so much work, and I am so aware of everything that is going on “in there” that I love to enjoy that time.  Although if you ask my DH – he will tell you that during that 2ww I become addicted to Google.  Googling EVERY symptom I have – Whether the symptom is real or imagined.  I also become a POAS-aholic (Pee On A Stick) – Both habits which he completely enables at times.  And when I tell him to hide the pregnancy tests on me “No matter how much I beg for one” – Let’s just say he’s easy to break.  Well this is the time frame that I am looking forward to right now!  And my body just can’t seem to get there.

So after now we are still trying to get those follicles (eggs) all ready and matured for Retrieval so that way we can get on with this cycle and make a baby damnit!  I just actually got the call from the docs.  MY NUMBERS ARE STILL GOOD!  Right now they have rescheduled my surgery for this Friday or Saturday, depending on my numbers.  They want to keep a close eye on me, so although I went in this morning for blood/ultrasound/etc – I get to go back in tomorrow morning, and probably every day leading up to the surgery. 

Lets just cross our fingers that all of my numbers continue to progess properly and we can get this surgery underway.

I know it has been a while since I have been on here, but for the past few months I have been very discouraged.  I didn’t want to come on here and sound miserable while bitching about what is going on.  Waited until we had a little bit of good news to share.
                                                                                A Hopeful Infertile