I Can't Wait!!!

                There are so many things going on in my life that are simply wonderful.  I have had an amazing Summer of fun and relaxation, and have spent the last 5 years enjoying life with the love of my life.  My new career has been booming in leaps and bounds and I have an amazing group of family and friends that I am lucky enough to spend time with.  (Even if it’s not as frequently as I would like)  But there is something that I am looking forward to more than anything.  More than announcing that we are finally pregnant, more than the miracle that will occur someday when I actually give birth to our baby.  I simply CAN’T WAIT to live a life with our child.  I can’t wait to see what type of person he/she will become.  I can’t wait to have to wake up in the middle of the night for feedings.  I can’t wait for their first day of school where I will undoubtedly cry as the door closes behind them.  I CAN’T wait until their own little personality develops and I get to see little glimpses of DH and myself in them.  I can't wait to see them laugh uncontrollably.  I can't wait to see their aunties spoil them.  I can't wait to see the power of a mothers/fathers kiss when they have a "boo boo."  I can’t wait for them to disagree with us and be so proud to see them stand up for what they believe is the right thing.  (Even when I can’t quite see their side of things)  I can’t wait to see DH be the most amazing daddy to our little girl or boy.  I can’t wait for the day that they beg to go on the golf course with us, and the day that they want NOTHING to do with us out there too.  I can’t wait to see them develop their independence, even though I will surely believe it’s all happening too early.  I can’t wait for the day I can turn off my phone and have every right to do so, so that my undivided attention will be on them.  I can’t wait for the day that I see my child growing into an adult and no longer am I the one that they always call on.  I can’t wait to watch them get back up after they fall, and learn how to succeed after a failure.  I can’t wait to see all of the influences in their lives shape their precious little soul.  I can’t wait to be the ear they need when they have had a bad day, and to be the cheering squad on their days of great accomplishment.  The one thing I can’t wait for more than any of these things, is to be his/her biggest fan.  In all that they do I want them to know that they do not have a bigger supporter than their parents.  I can't wait for DH and I to support a decision we may not think is best.  I can’t wait for our family to grow.  I can’t wait to be a family of 3.  But for now I enjoy every day as a family of 2.  I enjoy each day as they come, and will not take for granted these numbered days we have only as hubby & wife.  These are days we will never get back.  I can’t wait to share our love for one another with another person, and have them be the biggest part of our lives.  Until then, I will continue cherishing my family of 2.

                                                             

                                                           Proud member of a family of 2,

                                                                                Lindsay

Infertility: The Game

This sounds beyond sad, and there are some happy times in between, I promise. But this is 99.99% accurate. Sometimes you have to laugh..

What to do . . Or not?

                So this week has been a little bit of an emotional roller coaster.  (And it’s only Wednesday, ha)  We have called our RE to set up an appointment to regroup and figure out a time line for this Winter.  We know it’s a little early, but you can never be too prepared.  While I was justifying getting ourselves prepared so early, I started doing crazy research again.  This is what I spent the last year doing, and although I have only taken 3 months off from all the craziness, there may be new information out there or information I hadn’t found yet.   

                While doing all of this research I started to laugh at all the contradicting information that is out there.  IE – “Eat soy before going through a cycle of IVF as it will increase your health and your chances of conceiving” vs. “Don’t touch ANY soy, as it will hurt your chances of becoming pregnant, and if it’s a boy it will hurt the development of his “man parts”” - - WHAT!?  Oh, and here’s another great study:  “Absolutely continue with your workout regimen, as long as you don’t do anything too high intensity, or “red zone” as they called it, this can be a huge benefit to you and your DH when trying to conceive” Vs.  “Don’t workout.  You can take 20 minute walks but that’s it, or it will be detrimental to your chances of conceiving.”  Okay, so maybe I just shouldn’t research at all?  Which would probably make my days a lot more productive . . hmmm.

                I completely understand “everything is moderation,” but moderation won’t get me pregnant clearly, so I just like to know everything I can do that would help, or be harmful.

 

                                                            Researching Anyways,
                                                                          Lindsay

One of those infertile days . .

I decided it was a good idea to get the ball rolling for our 3rd round of IVF. We haven't decided when to start yet or anything, we just want to know what to expect the 3rd time around. Because of the 2 previous failed attempts they are changing up the protocol on which drugs, meds, and vitamins I should be on etc. I haven't been on here for a while, and I thought I would just check in.

We have had an amazing Summer. The "Summer of Fun" as I have been calling it. And I am happy to report it has been just that. I have travelled for fun, travelled to volunteer, shopping trips, road trips, fun at the lake house, went to concerts, worked on my golf game as well as my tan at our beach club, started a new career that I am in love with, and got to see my best friend since childhood get married. We have had a blast.

I don't have too much to update you on in regards to our fertility situation, or the lack thereof. The one thing that my doctor recommended after my last miscarriage was an RPL panel. (Repeat Pregnancy Loss Panel) An RPL Panel is basically a panel of blood tests that check into my genetic makeup even more. DH already had these tests done back when he got his results back with such astonishing low counts, etc. Well when they did these tests on me, they found that I have a genetic blood disorder which they call a Factor 5 Mutation. Long story short, this is a blood clotting issue. The other issue they found is called M.T.F.R. (initials for a long word I can't even say, never mind spell it out) - but basically this causes my enzymes to not synthesize correctly. These two issues combined leave me at high risk for death in delivery. Luckily, they found this! Now they will ensure that they can do everything they can to make sure these issues do not affect my pregnancy or my health during delivery. Anywho, I am finding out what vitamins and meds I should start taking just to get my body fully prepared for this next cycle and to hopefully assist my body in being able to carry full term.

We are excited, hopeful, anxious, and relaxed all at the same time. Excited and hopeful because 3rd time could be the charm =). Anxious, because it is all such an unknown, and relaxed because everything happens for a reason, when it's time to start this next cycle . . we'll know. After our last miscarriage we said things like, "everything happens for a reason," or "this clearly wasn't God's timing for us," and lastly, "the right thing at the wrong time is still wrong." And yes, we both believe all of those things, but mostly we were saying these "cliché" sayings to make ourselves feel better about the sad situation we were dealing with. Well, wouldn't ya know, if I had went full term with this last pregnancy, we would not have known about these blood issues, and who knows if I would have made it. So we are very thankful that our doctors found out what they did and performed the appropriate tests to hopefully avoid any disasters.

The true reason I posted today . . I needed to. I had to get some of these things on paper and off my chest. I am having such an off day, and sometimes I just need to vent. It's tough to call people and vent about this (other than my DH) - nobody really knows what to say. People who haven't been through this before don't understand always. I have some really great family members who genuinely care and love to hear about all that’s going on, good and bad. They ask such great questions, and some have even gone as far as doing their own research and sending me some information that I may like or they think may help. I appreciate all of that so much. But sometimes a computer screen is where I want to vent. So between this post, hugs from DH, and keeping in touch with "The Big Guy" today . . I know tomorrow will be a better day.

Hope and tears,

Lindsay