Friday, June 13, 2014

Our Story

Love Is Like A River
Flows Hard And Deep And Strong
Makes Us See So Clearly
Why All The Others Were So Wrong

You Keep Moving Forward
With No Chance To Turn Around
The Flow Will Overcome You
Your Contentment Has Been Found

And When Its Moving Slowly
A Chance To Catch Your Breath
You've Found the One Your Heart Desires
To Be With Until Death

You "Try" For Fun And Wait
Every Month You Pee Then Pray
Maybe This Time A Positive
Could Today Be The Day?

You Realize After Months
Something May Be Wrong
But, "You're Too Young To Worry"
I'm Sure It Won't Be Long

You Wait A Little Longer
Still No Hope In Sight
You Start To Think, "What's Wrong With Me?"
Something Can't Be Right

They Question You And Test You
Til You Have No More To Give
You Wonder If It's All Your Fault
And If Your Spouse Will Forgive

You Go Through All The Motions
Until The Answer's Clear
Your Fear Of Needing IVF
Are The Exact Words That You Hear

Surgeries And Needles
Are Your Normal Day To Day
And Everyone's Always Asking You
"When's Your Baby On The Way?"

You Answer With A Smile
You Say Our Time Will Come
A Subject You Used To Love
You Now Avoid And Stay Far From

The First Cycle Worked
Two Lines On That Glorious Stick
After Two Long Years
A Baby Name We Will Finally Pick

Our Dreams Are Tragically Ended
An Unwelcomed Guest "Aunt Flow"
 The Heart Ache That We Feel
Is One We Wished We'd Never Know

The Pain I Feel In My Heart
Hurts To My Inner Core
I'd Give Anything For A Baby Now
Let's Go For It Once More

Another Positive Test!
This Seems Too Good To Be True
Again Aunt Flow Comes 8 Weeks In
A Pain I'd Share With Few

Again Our Baby's Taken
Why Us?  Why Again?  Not Fair!
People Tell Us To Have Patience
But All We're Left With Is Despair

A Break From This Is What We Need
Lets Travel And Have A Drink
And Yes A Blast Is What We Had
But Couldn't Help Think, "Blue or Pink"

People Told Us Just Relax
It Will Happen In Due Time
Oh, Our Medical Issues Will Disappear?
Their Advice Wasn't Worth My Time

Though Their Ignorance Was Tough To Bare
Most Meant Well With What They Said
For Soon Another Cycles Here
So For Now I Will Rest My Head

Cycle Three, Here It Is
Let Start The Meds And Shots
Let Pray For A Baby This Time
Before My Uterus Rots

This Cycle Failed
I Knew It From The Start
God Can You Hear Me??
All I Hear Is My Breaking Heart

The Tears Won't Stop Streaming
It's Like God Doesn't Hear My Prayer
Can Anybody Hear Us?!
Life With No Baby Is Our Fear

I'm Coming To My Breaking Point
How Much More Can My Body Take
Will This Ever Work For Me?
Or Is A Baby Something I Can't Make

I'll Give It One More Try For Now
But With My Expectations Low
If This One Doesn't Work
There'll Be More Wines I'll Get To Know

We Wait And Wait Then Finally
Two Lines Are On That Stick
Praying New Meds And Acupuncture
Are What Do The Trick

Palms Are Sweaty, The Ride's So Long
Will A Heartbeat Be There?
Or Will The Sound Of Silence
Be The Only Thing We Hear?

The Sound Came Out Clear As Day
It Was The Most Beautiful Sound I've Heard
Eyes Tearing Up, Hands Held So Tight
We Celebrated Without A Word

Here We Are Twenty Weeks Along
I Can't Believe We've Made It This Far
It's Been All Good News This Time Around
No Mourning At The Bar

Boy Or Girl We Do Not Know
Nor Do We Have A Care
As Long As Baby's Healthy And Happy
This Amazing Life With Them We'll Share

Can't Wait For The Day When I See Their Face
Staring Back Up At Mine
How Far We've Come From When All We Wanted
Was A Second Little Pink Line



So clearly if you are here reading this, you most likely know our story with infertility.  Or at least the general idea of what we have had to do to get to where we are today with this pregnancy.  Which by the way is over 21 weeks along!  I can't believe it! 

Anyway, I have to warn you that this is a bit of a rant.  It literally makes my skin crawl when a talk/text/message/email conversation goes something like this:

Other Party:  How are you feeling?

Me:  Great, just tired.

Other Party:  Get your sleep now.  You won't be getting any once the baby is here.


Me:  Things have been going well.  I have been sleeping a lot but hubby is taking amazing care of me.

Other Party:  Enjoy the attention now.  Once that baby comes it will be all about him/her.


Other Party:  How was your day?

Me:  Great!  I got a prenatal massage which has helped so much with my back pain/tension migraines!

Other Party:  Get your massages now because once that baby comes you won't have the time or the means to pamper yourself like that.  Your priorities will be different.

FIRST OFF!!  Thank you!  I never once thought to myself that I may lose some sleep once the baby comes.  Thank you for pointing that out to me.  I am going to lose sleep?  Is it too late to change my mind?  Glad you warned me!

Also, thank you for pointing out that my needs and my husbands needs will completely vanish once the baby arrives.  I am so glad you are telling me that we will have to put our attention on him or her.  I thought he/she could just care of themselves, no?  They are helpless tiny humans that need us for everything?  Thank you so much for telling me!  What would I do without you!?  

LASTLY, (almost) - I am so happy to know I will have no time on my hands and will be broke once my baby arrives.  Thank you.  

Maybe, just MAYBE I have thought this through ahead of time.  Maybe we BOTH agree that giving each other some alone time each day should be a PRIORITY in our lives.  MAYBE you didn't have a spouse that would literally give up their life to make you more comfortable, but I know for a fact that I would do that for my husband as he would for me. MAYBE my needs and my husbands needs will still be a priority in our lives.  BY NO MEANS a top priority, but a priority nonetheless.  You do realize that if we allowed each other to whither away miserably - all that would be is a detriment to our child's life.  Maybe our life won't end up as miserable as yours apparently was - or as miserable as you perceived it to be.

LASTLY (for real this time) - THANK YOU!  Thank you for taking one of the most exciting, positive times in our lives and pointing out all of the "negative" side effects.  Thank you for showing me that these past 4 years of torture to conceive were basically just to sign up for another 18 years of torture.  18 sleepless, uncomfortable, broke, miserable years.  I can't wait.  That's exactly what we were thinking when we wanted to start a family.  Thank you for warning me that my marriage will go down the tubes, and we will most likely become miserable parenting robots.

I realize that this will not be all rainbows and butterflies.  If ANYONE realizes this, it's us.  We know that we are going to have to roll with the punches and take life as it is thrown at us.  TRUST ME, WE KNOW!  We also know that we are going to screw up at times.  Probably a lot.  But we have each other to help put the pieces back together.  But again, Thank you. 

Did you ever stop to think that maybe I just CAN NOT WAIT to have a reason to lose sleep?  A little tiny, crying miracle reason to wake me up every 2 hours!  Did you ever stop to think that maybe I tortured my body for the past 4 years so that I can no longer be top priority in my own life on purpose?  I would have literally given up everything to have the opportunity to not have enough time for me to go get a massage.  I would have literally given my health up to ensure a little human will be in our lives to take away our sleep, our money and our time.  But that's not how I look at it.  AT ALL.  I look at it as an amazing opportunity that I have been beyond blessed to encounter.  That a baby, a tiny human, is growing inside of me and ALREADY depends on my health, my nutrition, and my care to survive.  Leaving a mark on this world by bringing up a healthy, happy child is something I could have only dreamed about and will soon be a reality. 

So please, the next time your speak to a pregnant woman - how about your join in on the positive side of things, about the miracle that is about to occur?  Let her enjoy what's happening in the present moment, rather than tell her all you know about what is going to happen next.  How about you let her excitement be your excitement, rather than bring her down with your crappy words of "wisdom."  

19 weeks from no sleep,