So on
implantation day, I am told to show up with a stomach full of liquid (all I am
going to say is that it is very uncomfortable to have that while going through
the implantation procedure). I was given
a picture of our adorable embryo, and was told that there may be only 2 or 3
eggs left that may be good enough for freezing.
This number is a little disappointing, considering how many eggs were
retrieved, but I will be happy with ANY being frozen.
The
implantation takes about 7 minutes, and you have to lay there afterwards for 15
minutes with you pelvis elevated.
(Attractive, I know) After that,
I was told to go home, and stay off my feet for a few days, and continue with progesterone
inserts. I am not allowed to do any
sweating, or heavy lifting etc. And now it
is time for the two week wait (2ww). We
are now told that in 2 weeks we can come back to the doctors office and they
will give us a blood pregnancy test.
Well, here I go googling and researching away. I want to know if there are ladies out there
that take home pregnancy tests any way, and if they don’t wait the entire two
weeks, and what kind of symptoms they had when they had a positive pregnancy
test, etc. I was too excited and anxious
to not research and look into things so much, etc.
A few
days shy of this waiting game coming to an end I decided to take a HPT (home
pregnancy test), and guess what!?! BFP –
(big fat positive) I was ecstatic! Hubby was ecstatic, we couldn’t believe it! After only one cycle it worked! Although it was a positive test, the line was
very light, and we were told by our physician that the line will get darker as
the day goes on, and by the next day you will see a significant darkening in
the color of the line. So that test was
taken in the morning, so by the evening I was so excited to POAS (pee on a
stick). The line was still there, but it
was just as light, so I decided in the morning I would take the test
again. Now it is about 8 pm and I am getting
some serious cramping. I go to the restroom,
and I am spotting. I read up on this,
and it said that sometimes when the embryo implants into the uterine wall it
will bleed a little and this is called “implantation bleeding.” I was told it would occur for a short amount
of time, and that it should stop after an hour or two.
DH and
I went to bed hopeful. During this time,
we had Christmas Eve parties to attend, Christmas parties, Christmas dinners,
work parties, New Years Eve celebrations, etc.
We tried our best to put our game faces on but I wasn’t as good as DH
was.
Back to
the story . . I woke up in the middle of the night and I had a full on AF (Aunt
Flo) type of thing happening with excruciating cramp pains, and very large
clots. I called my doctor in the
morning, and (since it was the day after New Years) she told me to come in the
next day for my test. I went in for my
blood work. They are checking your Beta
levels when they do these blood pregnancy tests. A beta level over a 5 was technically a
positive pregnancy test. That afternoon
when my doctor called with my results, she said that my levels were a 9, but
although this is a positive test, according to the day I am on they should
already be above 60. She said that if I
had not miscarried the fetus already, I will soon.
Needless
to say, this was a tough day or two for DH and I. It was also a day that I was allowed to have
some wine again, so needless to say . . I did!
We were sad. We felt like we just
went from a complete high, and being as excited as we could get, to a complete
low. During that time when we thought we
were pregnant, we were excited that our plans for a nursery were no longer just
a dream, and that we may actually get to paint those walls, and buy the
furniture, and clothes shop, etc. We
were going to be a family of more than 2.
And then when the reality of the loss sets in, it is like mourning the
loss of all of these things. I don’t
wish these feelings on anyone! We have
moved passed this now, and we are hopeful for the next round. But the rock “exterior” we tried to hold
onto, kind of just crumbled. All of
those mixed emotions we had for over a year now all came to the forefront of
ourselves. Luckily for us, we have our
faith to rely on. Without it, we would
be DOOMED! And it’s also great having
each other to lean on. We know God’s
timing is perfect, and it clearly wasn’t the right time yet . . but we are
human, and we were sad.
We had
kept this whole situation pretty quiet other than for a few close friends and
family members, but at this point I decided this story isn’t something I should
try to hide. I am not ashamed of what I
am feeling, I am not feeling sorry for myself for what DH and I are going
through, I am proud of how we have handled it thus far, and want to share our
story and our experience with those that want to know about it, and those that
we don’t know but are going through the same thing. Blogs like this helped me out BIG TIME when I
started this whole process. It’s tough
bouncing emotions off of people who haven’t been through this, or just think
that the doctor is, “just putting an egg and sperm in you, and you will have a
baby in 9 months.”
We pray
daily that in His time it will all work out.
With everything else in our lives, that’s been true, so we will assume
the same with this situation!
Thankful for all of the
support
Baby Dust to all,
Lindsay
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