The Other Side

             Let me introduce myself as DH, the luckiest man alive!  I want to start by saying how proud and appreciative I am of Lindsay for going through this whole process.  I knew very little about IVF before we ever decided to see an RE.  I guess I just thought it was a sperm and an egg put together and implanted inside the woman.  All the shots, pills, hormones, surgeries, invasive examinations, and lifestyle limitations came as a little bit of a surprise you could say.  That’s why I am so proud of BW (beautiful wife) for going through all of this to try and bring a child into our lives.  I’m not sure I could handle it as well as her if it were me that had to do it.  

 

The process started this past summer/fall when we decided to see a doctor about infertility.  At that time we had been trying, or not trying to stop getting pregnant for about 2 years.  I didn’t really feel we had a problem at that point, and just figured in time it would happen.  Well, I was wrong.  The Doc sent me for a sperm analysis and my BW for a bunch of tests much more invasive than mine.  My numbers came back very low, and with low motility.  I didn’t understand it because I am only 30 years old and lead a relatively healthy lifestyle.  All my life I think I took it for granted I would get married and have kids whenever we were ready and as many as we wanted.  Looking back on it now I know that I would not have appreciated the miracle of a pregnancy and all that goes into it as much as I do now.  That has certainly been the blessing of this situation.

I had a couple of more tests done in the following months after trying to lead a healthier lifestyle, but to no avail.  My numbers got slightly better one time, but went back down the next.  Off to the urologist to see what the cause of my issue is.  Turns out I have varicoceles, dilation of my veins near the testis that allows blood to pool which creates heat that kills my sperm.  Surgery can fix this condition, but is not guaranteed to improve my fertility problems.  There was a good chance it would improve it, but again it might not have been enough to make a baby naturally.  

We met with the RE again to put together all the info and decided to go for it right away with IVF and put off my surgery for the time being.  The meeting left us with very positive feelings towards IVF working, and elated to know that we could possibly have a baby growing in less than a month.  I was also happy I did not have to have surgery immediately.  I have never had any surgery, and the thought of it is certainly intimidating to me.  I do not like the thought of blood or needles never mind actually getting incisions in my man area.  Nevertheless I would have and still will do it if it is going to help us have a child.

Now the fun begins.  After a couple of weeks on birth control to reset her system Lindsay begins with the IVF drugs.  She had to inject herself twice a day by needle in the stomach.  Again needles are probably my least favorite thing ever.  When I give blood I cannot watch anything.  I figure if I don’t see it, it’s not happening.  I know, I am a wimp.  This is one reason I am so proud of Lindsay, she handled everything like a champ.  Now there were more frequent visits to the RE to monitor everything.  I looked forward to these visits because they were part of our baby making journey.  Although it was a little awkward watching another woman probing my wife with a sword like instrument.  Again, if you don’t look at it directly, it’s not happening.  A point of concern arose during these ultrasounds.  Lindsay had what looked like a cyst either attached to her ovary or very close to it.  This seemed scary, but the doctor gave the ok to continue the process while monitoring the cyst.  We did monitor it, but I think it took a back seat to the fact BW had so many healthy eggs developing.

While BW definitely was handling everything like a champ she was definitely feeling some painful effects.  The injection areas were sore and the bloating was extremely painful for her.  I definitely don’t like to see her in pain, especially when I can’t do much to help her.  It’s amazing to me that she would go through all of this to have a child with me.  I am truly blessed to have her as my wife.  After two weeks of this it was time for the egg retrieval.  BW had to get knocked out so they could get her eggs.  Again, this stuff makes me uneasy, but through my faith I knew all would be ok.  After giving my sample and a little wait all was well because my BW was back in her room alive and healthy, although a little loopy haha.  The doctors came back with very good news that they retrieved 22 eggs and that although my count was still low they were able to find some sperm that should were good enough to create an embryo with BW’s egg.  We were both very excited about this.  

We had thought that during the retrieval they were going to examine and possibly take out the cyst near BW’s ovary, but that did not happen.  The doctors were monitoring it, but did not seem too concerned about it at this point.  BW then singlehandedly boosted the stock value of Gatorade and every protein bar imaginable.  She was instructed to stay extremely hydrated with electrolytes and protein to help prevent bloating.  She did as instructed, but was still feeling poorly from the bloating.  Again this was tough to watch because I couldn’t do anything to help her.  We received more good news though that we had created 14 embryos!  It was crazy to think we had 14 potential babies of ours in a Petri dish.

December 23^rd, transfer day was here!  It was a quick process, but left me with an amazing feeling that I could be a father very soon.  It was no longer a lifelong dream it was becoming reality, and was now starting to sink in.  I realized I was responsible not only for protecting BW, but also a very special group of cells inside her that could be my child in 9 months!  It was certainly exciting, and I could not have been more ready for it to happen.  On a side note we found out we only had 4 embryos out of the 14 that could be frozen.  It was disappointing after thinking we were armed with 14 potential babies, but we were just so happy and hopeful for it to work this time.  

After a few days BW took a home pregnancy test and there was a faint line!  It was early still so this was a good sign.  We were so excited, and again it seemed to be more real now than a dream.  Although it was so early, and still in such a fragile stage it was impossible not to be excited.  The test day seemed so far away and like it was never going to come.  We endured Christmas and New Year’s waiting to find out.  BW had been taking more tests and they were not getting stronger which was a bad sign.  By the time New Year’s Eve hit we basically knew it had not worked. The test confirmed that it began to implant, but then failed.  The fact that it didn’t work was so devastating and depressing.  We were so hopeful that it was going to work, and got so excited about it starting to work.  That high crashed into an ultimate low.  It basically felt like we lost a family member.  It was frustrating too because it brought the thoughts in my head of who is to say it will work next time, or ever.  I think that frustration was the worst part because we wanted it so badly.  That’s where our faith kicked in.  We know He has a plan for us, and it’s on His timing.  That definitely got us through that time, and reenergized our hopes for another round of IVF.

Not so fast!  We have another hold up to the plan.  Doc says we need to remove the cyst from BW and now is the best time before doing another round.  This meant big surgery for BW, which she had never had, nor had I.  It’s scary to think of going under, it’s scarier when it’s the person you cherish the most in your life that is going under.  Again, this is where the faith kicks in.   You pray to Him and you trust in Him that everything is going to work out, and that there is a good reason for it.  Of course the reason was to remove the cyst, make sure it was benign, and hopefully improve the baby making environment in there.  The strength and courage BW showed by going through this unknown experience of surgery was so impressive to me.  She made it through the surgery successfully, and the cyst removed was determined to be benign.  What a relief!!  I felt like a big cloud was lifted off of us.

After all of this BW is still more than ready to go through with another round.  This time it would be different because we were using frozen embryos.  BW would have to be injected daily for possibly up to 10 weeks, and this time I would have to be injecting her.  Although it was not my favorite thing I would have no problem because it was just what we had to do to achieve our dream.  I was surprised at how little it bothered me to do it, but I think BW was more surprised at how poor I was at it.  It’s kind of funny now, but wasn’t funny at the time.  The needle was longer and was not injecting the progesterone easily.  My hand would sometimes shake a little because of the force I needed to apply, and to compound that I couldn’t seem to take it out properly.  Needless to say I will not be attending nursing school, and BW has figured out how to do it herself.

Implantation day number two arrived quickly.  This time we decided we should put in two embryos in case one does not take like last time.  We also thought that having two at once would be good since that is our ideal number, and means we would not have to go through the ups and downs of the process again.  We had some practice babysitting three kids at once the four days prior to the implantation.  It was great experience for me since I really had none, other than teaching kids golf.  It was also an affirmation that two was the right number for us.  Man to man defense is easier than zone!  Don’t get me wrong though because we love those kids dearly.  

We are playing the waiting game to find out if this round is successful or not.  I’m positive we will be able to handle whatever situation Jesus throws our way.  Hope to bring exciting news to you soon!

DH